.. Weighin' in Wednesday ...#4

well hello friend...

did your week go as planned...????

mine NEVER does..... and I am not someone who does well with "curve balls"... although, you'd think I'd get better, at either catching them or defending my self against them since I believe that is ALL that gets thrown in my direction.. usually at my HEAD...  now where DID I put that helmet..????

So of course my weekly plan ..not so good..
I did make a bit of progress in the "downward" dept.   YAYYYY!!!!

I lost about 1/2 a lb. ...down to 203 on the nose....

So lets see.. start week..207 ..week#2..203.6  ..week #3..203.8.. #4 203...lets hope the next curve ball knocks me out cold before I head for the chocolate .. ;)

Praying for you all too.. keep me in yours.. hoping to add more movement this week...

The difference between...Can't & Never....

This is something that has been prodding me ever since the retreat....

You've heard the phrase...God NEVER fails...and I know this to be true.. He is God so nothing happens that he doesn't have control over.. therefore He NEVER fails.. it is all part of the plan..His plan

But at the retreat Tammy (the speaker) made the statement that.. God CANNOT fail...this for some reason spoke volumes to me.... because this speaks to His character, not just His ability.....He never fails because he chooses not to... He cannot because it would go against everything in His character.. against His perfection.. to fail is in essence to NOT be perfect...

It made me realize that it only emphasizes His perfection...it makes our FAITH possible...
because we know that... "HE WILL do what HE says HE will do... and that HE IS who HE says HE is.." (borrowed from Beth Moore)

Faith: (noun)

1. -confidence or trust in a person or thing: faith in another's ability.

2. -belief that is not based on proof

Faith is the evidence of things unseen...beyond hope, and MORE than confidence...I have had my hopes "dashed" plenty of times, and I am not very confident...very often AT ALL...at least NOT in myself, that is...

But I have Faith in God...I am confident in Him, that He will follow through on ALL His promises, and I can trust Him...because HE WILL KEEP ALL His promises....

 1 Kings 8:56
“Praise be to the LORD, who has given rest to his people Israel just as he promised. Not one word has failed of all the good promises he gave through his servant Moses.

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Joshua 21:45
Not one of all the LORD’s good promises to Israel failed; every one was fulfilled.

Psalm 9:10
Those who know your name trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.

 Philippians 4:13
I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

2 Corinthians 1:20
For no matter how many promises God has made, they are “Yes” in Christ. And so through him the “Amen” is spoken by us to the glory of God.


So when things in my life start going downhill, or seem out of whack... and I wanna believe that it is because He doesn't love me, or because He has forgotten me.. I have several options...1) I have started believing one of the MANY Lie's of Satan, 2) that I have walked away from Him, even if only a bit, or 3) I am in His will.. and it is just one of those "things" (test or trial) that will make me stronger in the end... a little more like the One who created me... a little closer to PERFECTION....our ultimate goal....PRAISE HIM...

..this-n-that......

unfortunately My brain.. and the computer just don't seem to be in "sync" these days.. I think of things I want to post.. whenever I'm in the car, or at work, or in bed at night... however...none of those places are where the computer is.. (well I use one at work..but not for "this" stuff.. ;) so you see the problem.. and when I'm here, well the thoughts seems somewhat jumbled ..here-n-there.. scattered.. nothing that would make a decent post...so don't give up on me yet.. hopefully I'll get a time that works.. maybe those wee hours after work.. once the weather warms up.. and I don't freeze while sitting at the computer .. we shall see...

thanks for the support, and of course keep up the prayers...

Well, i missed Wed. but the scale was not kind this week... (and no that is not why I didn't post).. .I gained about 1/2 a lb (204.2).....Not surprised to be honest.. I always get a little "cocky" after I lose a few and didn't have to try to hard...hoping humility will help keep me focused..and contimue the trek downward.. (on a positive note..this morning I was 203.8..so all is NOT lost..literally and metaphorically)

Keep those chins up ladies.. and get those bodies in MOTION....

...Weighing in Wednesday...

Howdy all,
I am back.....and honestly I was sure that I wouldn't have good news this week...
 but God is gracious...as diligent as I tried to be to "behave"... temptation was everywhere...and we had our "Ladies Retreat" this weekend...and you can't have all those women together without LOTS of FOOD, and it was mostly JUNK.....my personal downfall were the homemade "whoopie pies" made by a dear friend.. and for those who may not know what they are.. take a VERY chocolatey cupcake..cut it in half ...and fill with creamy filling...and you have something close to heaven...in a food.. they were YUMMY.... ;)

But that left me scared to look at the scale.......although I was persistent to control myself elsewhere...I was nervous as to where the scale would send me....so....imagine my surprise today when it told me I had in fact gone down ...

Week #2 ...starting weight...207 lbs., todays weight...203.6 lbs., goal weight.. 135-150 lbs.

Yes...you read correctly.... I not only lost the 2 lbs. I was shooting for but almost doubled that... God is not only good He is AWESOME....

I can only give Him the glory for it.. because I was sure I had gained....PRAISE HIM!!!!

Yes ..even in this He deserves the Glory....

Footprints in the sand.....

I am in one of my favorite places in the world.....the BEACH... :) :) :) :) :) :)
I am here with some of the best company in the world as well....sisters in Christ....children of MY FATHER.....listening to the waves as I type......it is very refreshing, to get away, to get-together, just to be...

I took a walk in the sand today..in my bare feet..(it was wonderful)....and 82 degrees as well.. (YIPPEE!!!)

...and as I walked I began to look at all the "paths" in the sand... some were feet, some were made from debris, washing up on the sand, some were from the "dune dragger", but I found the foot paths most interesting....Who had made them, Where had they come from, Where were they going?????

How many of those feet had walked that same sand today and not even given thought to the One who created such a beautiful and peaceful, place......????

 It made me think of the passage of scripture that we studied the other night at the ladies study at church, and oddly enough..(not really, God knew of course.. ) brought up again tonight...it is Luke 7:13-14..

" You can enter God's Kingdom only through the narrow gate. the highway to hell is broad, and its gate is wide for the many who choose the easy way. But the gateway to life is small, and the road is narrow, and only a few ever find it..."

How many of these "paths" that I crossed today..had found that gate..?????
How many even knew there was one to find..???

Then I had to ask my self the hard question....although I know that I have found the gate... am I walking on the narrow path..the one that leads to precious life... or veering closer and closer to the path of destruction....??? And harder still...do I know the difference..???

The gates may be far between...but the paths all too often "look" very similar.....the end of those paths however is the goal.....and I definitely WANT life.....and the only way to get there is to follow in the footsteps of my heavenly Father...he knows the way...no wrong turns, no asking for directions...and if I am in His word.. I will have the directions...because it is the map.....and like our speaker said tonight...He IS the GPS......

..Weighing in Wednesday......

well today's title.....is a little cliche'...
but let me fill you in  on one of my "light switch" moments.. it happened last night while I was watching the show "Heavy" on TLC..(i think)... watching these people go away to "health" camp for 6 months.. and return home ALWAYS thinner.. and hopefully healthier for the long run...but even though I can't go away for 6 months.. (i wish)...to relearn how to eat and exercise .....I can be accountable.. to you....so from now on.. On Wednesdays..(hopefully).. though it may not be a whole blog on weight and my struggle with it.. there will be a little blerb.. at the bottom... with the week number and where I am weight-wise.. and where I wanna be.. please bear with me.. this is a COMPLETELY NEW concept to me.. not necessarily the weightloss part.. that has yet to be seen.. but the documenting part.. feel free to join me if you like..in the journey...either as a partner, a reader , or an encourager...all are welcome



So here we go.. Week #1.. the beginning.. start weight...207 lbs....let the journey begin..ending goal.. for the week...2lbs...the end result...somewhere between 135-150....right now to get rid of that "2" in front is more my goal...ughhh... :(

Happy Hearts Day......

Well........ I have to brag on my hubby just a little......he surprised me..

He left me a card and Reese's cups in my vehicle... AND if I hadn't left work early, it would have been ON Valentine's Day when I got it... :) :) :)

Gotta luv that man.....!!!!!! (and I Do... :)

I have to admit... it MADE my day...probably because it was TOTALLY unexpected.. we are hard up for money these days..(as I have mentioned on numerous occasions).. and he isn't exactly Mr. "Rememberful"... but the gentle jibbing at life-group the other night might have had something to do with it.. who knows.. but for once I'm not analyzing the "why".. just enjoying the "is"....

I stopped on my way home and spent a little myself, on him, and the kids.. after the "tenseness" around here lately I figured they could all use some "LOVE"......

Hope fully in the morning I'll have some "Heart-Happy Campers"...even if only for that one moment......

Do you sense a change here?????.......I can only assume you all have been praying..(I know I have) because although I have had my "Thar she blow " ..moments lately.. they are somewhat less intense and I can usually bring myself back to "sanity" a little quicker ...

I take NO.. I repeat NO credit.. for this... I know myself.. it is only God that can bring these changes..He definitely met me where I was.. and for all I know may still be.. I am just attempting to look at things a little differently.. more through HIS eyes, less through mine. 

I keep thinking about a movie clip from a movie way back in the late 80's or VERY early 90's.. called "Parenthood".. w/ Steve Martin.. and hence ... while parts of the movie are definitely NOT on my highly rated list, there is one part that has stuck with me over the years...there is a grandmother in the movie.. she is quite senile.. however at one part she compares life to a carnival ride.. and while some people prefer the merry-go-round, she liked the roller coaster.. (or some other ride that is more "adrenaline pumping").. the merry-go-round she said "...just goes round and round.. that is no fun.. I like the roller coaster.. it bumps you around.. and goes in, and out, up and down...." or something to that effect... in any case, I always think of the scene where this hits home with Steve Martin's character.. they are at one of their children's school plays or something and their youngest gets a little "antsy".. and creates some mischief... you hear the clanking sound of the Roller coaster .. the sound it makes going up that first BIG hill.. as you watch Him (Steve Martin) getting tense watching all the chaos around him.. then you hear the screaming and the sound of the roller coaster descending down the hill... 

I want to BE that grandmother.. who ENJOYS the chaos of life.. sure it isn't fun, it isn't always pretty, or perfect, or even bear much of a resemblance to the picture we all paint ourselves when we paint the picture of our life... but it is REAL....and it makes the best of each situation.. and moves on...learning every step...

God allows those hills and turns to throw us just a little of balance.. that is where we lean more on Him and less on us.. that is the "perfect balance"...

As Paul said to the Corinthians.. 

Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. ¹⁰ That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

                                                  2 Corinthians 12:9-10

 ..so here is too the "Happy Surprises"....that show off my weaknesses, like today.. when my hubby reminded me that he is still here.. and that he loves me.. even though it may not be the way I THINK it should be...I'm not perfect either....go figure.... 

................Happy Valentine's Day............

...the bottom..looking up...

... I have deliberately NOT blogged for the last week or so because I have been in the "pit of despair".... I have been loathing myself and everything around me...

I felt that I had nothing good to say.. or rather anything worth reading except to rant and rave about how "horrible" everything is....

I have been under tremendous stress from what seems like every direction... my kids have decided to go all out on a "how can we ruin Mom's life day " routine..the only way they help out is when I NAG them. I feel as though my husband has checked out emotionally... from our family.. (my thoughts, and feelings,... not his..) I had the WORST day at work the other day. I can't get my house even remotely presentable to save my life, because every time I turn around there is another mess I DIDN'T make, but have to clean up. Our finances are so tight that I can't even think about a month from now, and I am ALWAYS tired.... I HATE my LIFE right now.......

This has been my mindset for the last couple months or so it seems, but I never say anything to anyone, because I think people will judge me for thinking these things... about myself, about my kids, about my husband....about my struggles...

But I have changed my mind about sharing... not because I want to slander my kids or my husband , I love them ALL dearly... and I know that .."this too shall pass"... but right now I am in what feels like the fight of my life... for my sanity....

And it won't be a fight I can win alone.. I need help.. if you are a friend or family member .. your prayers are coveted.. if you are a follower.. pray as well.. but the winner is already decided.. and that is MY GOD.. he knows the end from the beginning... and He knows when I'll finally reach the top of this pit.. hopefully NEVER to fall back in again... but for now here I am.. at the bottom.... looking up

So here I am... one night I literally woke up in the middle of the night sobbing.. begging God for answers.. why did he make me such a perfectionist.. why does he allow me to be so constantly unhappy with with everything, why are my expectations always SOOO high.. there is no way anyone can live up to them...why can't I ever finish anything....why, why, why..???

If you have ever been in a pit.. you know the feeling.. if you haven't, Lord willing you won't ever need to find out...but I seem to live in them..... get out of one .. 3 steps later...fall in another.....the difference is.... that this time.. I honestly am not sure I have the strength to climb out......

And this is when the voice in my head..(no not literally....well maybe) says .."You were never alone.. what exactly is it that you want....?????

Truthfully, I want kids that respect their parents and others, and don't argue and fight about everything, I want a husband who cherishes me, more than his job, and I want a house that I can have friends over too.. without clutter as far as the eye can see because my kids can't pick up ANYTHING without my nagging them, and the financial freedom to enjoy little things now and then, without worrying if I'll be able to pay the bills if I spend the money on this instead.....

Just typing this is making me cranky....

So where do I go from here..........the only direction I can (at least I hope)......... UP!!!!!

"For I know the plans I have for you declares the LORD.. plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a future and a hope!"

                                                               -Jeremiah 29:11

My "Life" Song...

This is MY FAVORITE SONG of all time.....

I have claimed this song as my "life" song... similar to a "Life verse"..

....and since I was sharing about my own struggle with "worth" I feel it is good reminder as to just how "worthy" I am..... in fact I am not, but HE is ... and anything "good" I do should be to His glory alone and not my own..... so Glory to Him......Enjoy and know that you too are worthy... :)

Worth...

Where do you find your worth..????

I know the answer should be easy... but often times the head and the heart have two different answers.....

The definition of worth was quite interesting:

*The quality that renders something desirable, useful, or valuable: the worth of higher education. 

*Good or important enough to justify (what is specified): advice worth taking; a place worth visiting. 

 So how much are you and I worth...????

By the worlds standards, apparently not too much... with millions of babies being aborted every year, and murder statistics rising...human life would seem to be "depreciating" quite rapidly....and the value they  seem to look at is all to often based on "money"...as stated above...if you can't be "rendered" desirable, or useful than YOU are likely NOT valuable at all.  How sad...... 

 

But how about God's view on it...????

God's view on worth is SO totally different....He values us as SO IMPORTANT that HE GAVE HIS SON to JUSTIFY us ......we were a people WORTH saving.....

How AWESOME IS THAT.... :)

I have to be honest here, I started this post because I was feeling REALLY worthless, a symptom of my current status in life ...let me explain...

I have 2.5  teenagers in my house who are having their "it's not fair" phases simultaneously... my job puts pressure on me just by the nature of the job to "get it right", (which I seem to mess up quite regularly) , and every-time we seem to get almost to the "top of the hill" financially... we run out of steam and start to slide back down again......

So you can see my dilemma....I have been letting my circumstances decide my worth.....

How silly of me, right..??

Maybe so, but here is where the heart comes in... my heart is heavy with the burden of wanting to "get it right" and not wanting to FAIL at any of my stations in life, being a Mom, or wife, or an employee, or friend, or just  plain person...... and I AM FAILING....... on all these fronts it seems... I want to say "Let go and Let God"....but that feels like a cop-out....like I'm expecting Him to fix it all....and truth be told I would love it if He would.. don't think I haven't prayed that prayer.. You know the one, it goes something like "If you would just do this one thing, I'll ........."

So where does the heart go from here...broken, and bruised, how do I stop feeling like a failure......????? How do I fix the broken and mend the bruises......???? These are answers I am on the road to find.....I don't want to mess up with my kids .. there are no do-overs in parenthood, and I don't want to mess up at being a wife, and while I can get another job if I screw this one up..(hopefully), how does that make me look to them...???

Here is where I cling like CRAZY to the cross, to the undeserved mercy, and the never ending grace of my Most Heavenly Father, and pray without ceasing, and give thanks that I have the people I have in my life....

"..being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."  Phillipians 1:6

...and KNOW that I am WORTH saving.....

 

 

Just, Fair, Love....

...well my mind has been turning ever since I posted that last entry... knowing that I had more to say but not sure how to say it.....

... there is still more trapped in my head wanting to get out.....

I asked a friend yesterday morning when he was here to fix our heater (convenient that he is also a pastor).. the questions she had asked me.. and we discussed it.. 

Since then I have thought some more...  and I have come up with several things that these questions encompass....

First, the question of justice... is God just?? .. and the answer is "yes".. he is perfect justice because he cannot be unfair, or unjust..it is not in his character.. HE is Perfect..and therefore completely just....we tend to think of justice as "getting what you deserve".. in which case we would all be dead.. because none of us has lived up to His perfect standard..except for his precious Son... through whom we are justified ..through his precious blood.
God allowed the little girl to die...yes...but if you read the story today...another life was saved because of it...  so in some way that little girl will live on...Glory to God

Second, the question of fairness, is God Fair??...the answer is of course "yes" again..... see He doesn't view sin on a scale like we tend to do..he looks at it as just what it is... "anything that goes against His perfect law"....there are no gray areas for him. It is all black & white.....
we tend to say that murder is more sinful than say lying to a friend... God doesn't... he see's both as "sin" plain & simple.....and how can he do such a thing ..easy.. HE is the one who created the law.. not as a way to "catch" us doing things wrong.. but to give us guideline's to go by....and we will NEVER be able to keep them by ourselves.. we NEED him..and YES that is fairness...why?? Because HE loves us SSOOO much that he made sure to give us a way to get there..again that answer is His Son.. through who's blood He see's us without those nasty sinful blemishes.. which His fairness would require Him to destroy....


Third, the question of love.. is God love...????? If he is, how could he condemn those people to death...be it the innocent people in the shooting, the two gay people who want to marry, or anyone who is "decent" ..... The answer if of course AGAIN...a resounding "YES,YES, YES"


How do I know this? ...because His word proclaims it over and over again...


*John 3:16...-For God SO LOVED THE WORLD........etc.
*2 Thess. 2:16 -May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope,.. 
*1 John 4:7 -Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.
* Galatians 5:20-I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

* Ephesians  5:2 -and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

Love is the ultimate sacrifice... wanting whats best for the other even if it means we are sacrificing ourselves in the process.....
God couldn't have loved us anymore than he did.. he sacrificed HIS OWN SON... in order to save all of us...because of that love... and HE wants to spend eternity with us... but he also loves us enough to let us choose...He wants us to choose Him.....he doesn't force us to love Him...

He loves US...but HATES our sin...and ever since the beginning.. when Adam and Eve CHOSE to disobey..we have been in "mortal" battle with it... the only way to win is to accept that gift of LOVE from Him.... in fact, to CHOOSE Him... first because we know we need a Savior, then because we want to follow Him and not the SIN we were born into...


for now I'll leave you with these things to "chew on"......

Simply Difficult.......

...well I have been doing alot of emotional pondering these days, and yesterday (because it is 1am now), this is actually a good time for me .. home from work and no one to interrupt my thoughts...we will see how often it actually works ...anyway.........

Yesterday was a really bad day for me, I had total hissy fits allday, feeling unloved, unappeciated, and just bad about myself.. not too mention all the "fat" clothes are tight...UGHHH.....  Seriously, I was ready to go find a rock to hide under for the rest of my life, I didn't want to deal with anything else.


How did this come about you might ask...???


Well let's start with the tragedy of last week, then add in a couple of normal selfish  teenagers,a disgustingly dirty, cluttery house, and a financial crunch......exactly...... you have my mental state now.


And then it was time to go to work, I was actually happy to go, ....and as soon as I got in the car, as I left, on the radio, was the song "Beautiful",(I will post the song , somehow) ....I almost had to stop the car and just blubber right there, but alas I didn't. Instead I continued on my trek to work, only to hear more of the same....you cannot tell me He didn't know I needed encouragement...











Then when I get to work, I get to have one of the most interesting conversations with one of my absolutely FAVORITE co-workers. I often prayfor her and I will ask you to pray as well, I won't share her name, but The Lord knows her and I know he loves her SOOO much, he gave her such a great personality....
She and I started talking and were talking politics a little..I am not "really" knowledgeable on the subject so I am not a good debater, (in that area), and then we were talkinga bout society... and the lack of just "human kindness, and decent behavior......

Then she said something about "If there was a God , how come he let the senator live and the little girl die"..
in reference of course to the shootings in AZ. You have to understand, that I have heard her make several remarks over the last several months about certain "religious" things......for instance, she always says she is a nurse to earn her credits to get into heaven...to make up for all the bad stuff she did in her earlier life...
I always smile when she says those things and let her know that ..."there is an easier way"....

Then she asksme after some other interesting quetions...two very poignant one's...

1) Is it a sin if 2 gay people get married? and if it is 2) the why isn't it a sin for a woman to marry a child molester?

These were gonna need some time and some digging to answer.. as well as some solid love. She told me before she left, that we were gonna have to go out and get a drink and discuss this further, to which i agreed.


It wasn't until the ride home that I finally figured out what she was asking.....
She wanted to know why God didn't condemn the woman for marrying the "molester"...like he was so "obviously" condemning the 2 gay people.....????


It is easy for me to understand the difference, or so I thought, I told her that the woman had free-will, and that she was responsible for the decision she made.
However, this looks bad in retrospect because I basically said that the 2 gay people didn't know what they were doing...


She can't comprehend that the fact that God wouldn't condemn this woman (who is horrible for marrying a "molester").. and yet would condemn the 2 gay people.. who weren't hurting anyone.. and were perfectly lovely people.


I can't say I don't think about some of the "gray" areas myself sometimes....but his one has me praying.. mostly for the right words to say when we have that conversation, for mercy, grace and mostly LOVE to abound when I do, I really think that she might be one of the reasons God allowed me to begin working there in the first place...I can't help but think of the story of Esther.. and the immortal words of Mordicai.. "for such a time as this".. of course he also said that if she didn't fess up she would likely perish as well.. and in some ways this is similar..
 If I don't "fess up" that God is a loving God, but also just, and that He is the only one who is perfect... I may well perish in a verbal death.....


I often wish that John 3:16 were a "go to" verse.. it is the "gospel in a nutshell" as I like to call it.... but this is gonna require some serious "digging"  in His word for some "gentle answers".


Stay tuned for more on this subject at a later date...after that "drink date"

Let's EAT......!!!!

....well the last several days have been somewhat of a blur....

And here we are into a new week, ..... life didn't stop, it didn't even slow down,

    .....except for us...we slowed down to a stop....and we remembered......and we cried......

Then we remembered and cried some more...and then we ate. Have your ever wondered why we share a meal after something like this happens??? I can't help but think that it is a comforting thing... and of course it makes the burden a little lighter for those at the center of it. It is one less thing to think about for a little while.....it also gives you time to bond a little more with those around you ......or re-acquaint you with those you haven't seen in awhile, it gives us strength physically, mentally, as well as emotionally.......it just connects us.........

....I am asking you to pay-it-forward... in honor of Mike...take someone to lunch or coffee, this week or next week, or the week after...... don't wait to make the plans...enjoy their company, enjoy the food and celebrate life....you never know when it will be over...and when you ask the blessing for the food, say a prayer for Mike's family..for the Lord's grace and mercy, and especially for his everlasting and sustaining love over them these next several months, as they will be the hardest....thanks....

Second verse, almost the same as the first....

..I am a mess right now , grief is a scary, and sometimes consuming thing.

Last night, while entering my first "post" I received news that a very close "family" friend, ...and by family I mean like literally, he was my husbands very best friend, best-man at our wedding, grew-up together, his mother claimed my husband as another of her children, we are an "adopted" part of their family, included in family get-togethers, so literally more family than friend.....
......last night he left this earth...so,  much of last night I prayed, wanting answers of course. Wanting to help those around him that are now grieving even deeper, than we are. Wishing we could have somehow done something to prevent it. Why this? Why that? All the questions that flood your mind when something you never expected, ...happens.
  So we begin the journey of this new branch on the path of life, down through the  sadness, the feeling of loss, the anger, the side of life we are much less likely to talk about... the side that shows just how little control we really have...and how vulnerable we are when we focus on things that don't really matter, until something like this smacks you in the face.. as if to say..

"Hello, reality here"

  I am not making light of the situation at hand by any means, I am truly, deeply sad, angry, confused, .......and praying....mostly for his immediate family, he was married with two mostly grown kids, his mother, his siblings and their families, for my husband, for our kids...
  So what does all this mean,..time to refocus again.... I hope it means that I will stop taking everyday things for granted, stop worrying about the non-essentials, and more about the people in my life, especially those I call "family" whether that means by blood, faith, or any other means...
   Jesus said to give him our burdens.....wouldn't if be nice if it were as easy as it sounds...I always give them to him.. only to take them back when I don't like the way he is handling them, or when I think he is taking to long....( I know I am not the only one..)..but it is in situations like this that HE is the ONLY one in ANY control... and maybe, just maybe, that is part of the lesson, there is more of course, but maybe just that part is all for right this minute... Just give it to him....
  My apologies if this seems scattered in thought, but today  is one of those days, where emotion runs me, and I seem to have many of them all at once. So they are all running on overload, and this post is what comes out when they do....

Prayers to all the Murray's...may His love cover you all in the days, and months to come.. we are with you both in body and spirit..we love you all dearly.....




 

...here we go.....maybe...speed bumps ahead....

..this is my newest "hair-brained idea"....I'm going to attempt to blog...I am almost giggling thinking about it...me a blogger. My son just left the room and his exact words were..and I quote.."You're blogging, are you gonna start "twittering" too"...he is obviously not a fan, but oh well...onward. Right this second I don't have a specific subject to "blog" about. But life is funny that way, this last year has been one of the most interesting years of my life. A year ago, if someone had told me I would go back to school, and be working in the hospital I would have told them they were crazy. It often sounds more exciting than it is.. I am in fact "just" a clerk.. or a secretary.. for the surgical floor at the local hospital......we now interrupt this blog.. with life........
   I just received a phone call, from a close family friend, emphasis on family, with one of those calls you never expect, and can't prepare for, although when it happens you can look back and say.. "should've seen that one comin' .... so I am now going to need some time to ponder things and abundantly more to pray over, through, and around it.....while nothing surprises God, I find that many things can catch me with my focus elsewhere...and that is when, like now, I have to remind myself..He is in control, and like the title of the blog.. it is Only by His Grace.. that we ....well you can finish this one yourself.....