Simply Difficult.......

...well I have been doing alot of emotional pondering these days, and yesterday (because it is 1am now), this is actually a good time for me .. home from work and no one to interrupt my thoughts...we will see how often it actually works ...anyway.........

Yesterday was a really bad day for me, I had total hissy fits allday, feeling unloved, unappeciated, and just bad about myself.. not too mention all the "fat" clothes are tight...UGHHH.....  Seriously, I was ready to go find a rock to hide under for the rest of my life, I didn't want to deal with anything else.


How did this come about you might ask...???


Well let's start with the tragedy of last week, then add in a couple of normal selfish  teenagers,a disgustingly dirty, cluttery house, and a financial crunch......exactly...... you have my mental state now.


And then it was time to go to work, I was actually happy to go, ....and as soon as I got in the car, as I left, on the radio, was the song "Beautiful",(I will post the song , somehow) ....I almost had to stop the car and just blubber right there, but alas I didn't. Instead I continued on my trek to work, only to hear more of the same....you cannot tell me He didn't know I needed encouragement...











Then when I get to work, I get to have one of the most interesting conversations with one of my absolutely FAVORITE co-workers. I often prayfor her and I will ask you to pray as well, I won't share her name, but The Lord knows her and I know he loves her SOOO much, he gave her such a great personality....
She and I started talking and were talking politics a little..I am not "really" knowledgeable on the subject so I am not a good debater, (in that area), and then we were talkinga bout society... and the lack of just "human kindness, and decent behavior......

Then she said something about "If there was a God , how come he let the senator live and the little girl die"..
in reference of course to the shootings in AZ. You have to understand, that I have heard her make several remarks over the last several months about certain "religious" things......for instance, she always says she is a nurse to earn her credits to get into heaven...to make up for all the bad stuff she did in her earlier life...
I always smile when she says those things and let her know that ..."there is an easier way"....

Then she asksme after some other interesting quetions...two very poignant one's...

1) Is it a sin if 2 gay people get married? and if it is 2) the why isn't it a sin for a woman to marry a child molester?

These were gonna need some time and some digging to answer.. as well as some solid love. She told me before she left, that we were gonna have to go out and get a drink and discuss this further, to which i agreed.


It wasn't until the ride home that I finally figured out what she was asking.....
She wanted to know why God didn't condemn the woman for marrying the "molester"...like he was so "obviously" condemning the 2 gay people.....????


It is easy for me to understand the difference, or so I thought, I told her that the woman had free-will, and that she was responsible for the decision she made.
However, this looks bad in retrospect because I basically said that the 2 gay people didn't know what they were doing...


She can't comprehend that the fact that God wouldn't condemn this woman (who is horrible for marrying a "molester").. and yet would condemn the 2 gay people.. who weren't hurting anyone.. and were perfectly lovely people.


I can't say I don't think about some of the "gray" areas myself sometimes....but his one has me praying.. mostly for the right words to say when we have that conversation, for mercy, grace and mostly LOVE to abound when I do, I really think that she might be one of the reasons God allowed me to begin working there in the first place...I can't help but think of the story of Esther.. and the immortal words of Mordicai.. "for such a time as this".. of course he also said that if she didn't fess up she would likely perish as well.. and in some ways this is similar..
 If I don't "fess up" that God is a loving God, but also just, and that He is the only one who is perfect... I may well perish in a verbal death.....


I often wish that John 3:16 were a "go to" verse.. it is the "gospel in a nutshell" as I like to call it.... but this is gonna require some serious "digging"  in His word for some "gentle answers".


Stay tuned for more on this subject at a later date...after that "drink date"