Saturday, November 10, 2012

Intentionally, Unintentional

The word "intentional" came up some weeks ago in our lifegroup from church. It somehow got under my skin and started sneaking into my thoughts throughout the next week ar so. IT began to burden me so much that I felt the need to sit down and write about it ... although it is not nearly as fresh in my mind now.

Intentional:  done with intention or on purpose; intended
               synonyms: designed, planned

The word itself doesn't seem so scary until I start thinking about how much of my life "isn't" that way anymore. I started to realize that in many things I am just doing what I have always done... maybe out of habit..but other times because I would need to invest more time than I have or want to spend on something or someone to see whatever result I was looking for..... how sad....

I began looking at my life for where and what I SHOULD be intentional about.... like the mother that I am, the wife I am, the friend I am, and of course the follower of Christ that I am. Since all those other roles hinge on this one it is obviously the most important. It is also the one that I fear I have become more unintentional about over time. Not on purpose mind you, but within the definition itself lies the answer... I have simply not been "intentional", or doing things with intention.. or on purpose.. or with a purpose in mind. My life seems to have become a blur... just "dealing" with things as they come up or doing whatever happens to be there... not preparing for things.. whether seen or not.. or having a plan for one thing or another.... not that everything can be planned. I am well aware that things can slam into you that you never expected and every plan you have takes a backseat to dealing with that particular situation, but the other things, the everyday things, the ones that are always around and have become second nature to us (me).
Am I still or have I ever been intentional about them... and if not... why not????

These are just a few of the questions I was sort of wondering about.. and I must say it has been an interesting journey thus far. I am trying to be MORE intentional in the areas of my life that I believe are the most important.. like as a wife, I want to love my husband unconditionally, and be the helpmate that God wanted me to be for him. (IT is a big job and often I get frustrated with both of us.. because I know what I want to see how I want us to be and often it is far from my vision). Then as a mother.. am I being the Godly example I want them to follow....??? The friend one is REALLY slacking... I don't think I have a single friend that has called me to do anything in about a year... obviously I am not doing so well in that department... my apologies to those I am blessed to call friend.. I have let you down... if I were more intentional I would have called YOU to do something.
And lets not forget about the other family relationships, that of being the daughter, sister... aunt, cousin, etc. etc. .... I seem to failing miserably at all of these too.

And lastly and of course most importantly my role as Follower of Christ... where is my "intention" in this one..... ??? This is where my heart began to break .... because I believe I have simply "been" ... instead of  "been Intentional".... or I was simply "unintentional"...

Now I know that these things didn't just happen overnight... like all sin... it was a slow process... and somehow like I always do... I have a HUGE pile of it before I notice.... I know I have a long road ahead of me .. and that there are some things that may not be repairable.... shame on me... but my ultimate goal has always been that when the Lord takes me home; that somewhere along the line, I made a lasting Godly imprint on the lives of those around me that ultimately helped them along their road to glory, and brought HIM glory in the process.

So I guess the question has become.. what is my intention... and why... because if there isn't a plan ... all to often I get carried away in the moment... and that is where the trouble begins....

Pray for me... and I will pray for you too... that we may be "intentional" with our faith... and that the Lords glory is our ultimate "intention" overall....

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